The Rise of Redneck Stand-up Paddleboarding

Image credit:[Props to my co-parishioner Miles Stoudenmire for coming up with these pictures.]

It appears, from the evidence of these pictures, that the SUP culture can harmonize with the huntin’ and fishin’ culture of the rednecks and their northern counterparts.  [The site he got them from is in Florida, so strictly speaking these are Florida Crackers, a kind of hybrid between rednecks and Jimmy Buffett parrotheads.]  Perhaps boards and paddles will soon be on sale at Cabela’s, the famous chain of huntin’ and fishin’ stores that is a major institution in the outer Midwest and has made Sidney, Nebraska, a major retail mecca.  Vacuum-waterproof containers are available for those who wish to bring iPhones and listen to their music, or read their e-mail, or play games, out on the water; for those with a somewhat more old fashioned addiction still somewhat popular in redneck country, it is quite possible to put in those vacuum containers a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

But one thing for sure, no political candidate need now fear being thought unmanly for being caught doing SUP.  I remember the fate of poor John Kerry in 2004, who was branded as unmanly for being found out windsurfing.  For the information of these people, windsurfing is a far more difficult and challenging sport than SUP, and one is dependent on the winds in windsurfing [well, by definition] in a way that one is not in SUP.  [Though SUP paddling upwind is slow and tedious and you need to allow the time for it if you are in the situation of having to do it.]  And as I remember, Kerry was also called unmanly because he speaks relatively good French.  I always understood that about half the French speakers in the world were in fact male, whatever that may mean.  I mean, there were plenty of reasons to vote against him that were rational; these were rather silly.  What will we see next?  Dick Cheney on a paddleboard with guns


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